Protecting myself from an environment that is trying to pull me back to gambling
THE LURE OF GAMBLING ADS CAN BE DEVASTATING
There is a lot of discussion about the aggressive advertising of gambling, and it is finally beginning to look hopeful that there will be more bans on gambling advertising on, for example, football games. Here in the UK anyway. Gambling advertising may not be much of a bother for those of us who are not addicted to
gambling. But when you are trying with everything you’ve got to get away from placing bets - you really have to question how useful it is to be perpetually chased by ads, seductive phrases and at times even ‘baits’ where you get lured back to gamble with free spins or bonuses. It is the equivalent of trying to do an alcohol detox while serving pints in a pub. The triggers will feel completely overwhelming and rather than being able to focus on moving forward you will find yourself busy ‘fighting off’ difficult urges.
The nature of advertising
The adverts for gambling are sneaky, tempting and often targeted. As you would know by now, they are designed to get even the most resistant of customers to return for another bet. Curiously, one friend of mine who has never gambled but took over a phone number from someone else (who clearly had gambled a lot) said to me that she had never seen more persistent advertising in her entire life. And she works in media! She eventually had to swap phone numbers herself as it was becoming too irritating and no matter how much she opted out and blocked ads, they just kept on coming.
The gambling industry is a big business that operates with the aim of increasing its profitability.
What else is new? It has never been known for caring deeply about the emotional needs of the individuals that lose their money inside of its facilities. Their social responsibility is something that is being increasingly addressed- but for now, there is no hiding from the truth. The industry uses methods that are predatory and do not discriminate if they are enticing a loaded recreational gambler or luring in someone with a severe addiction. Texts, calls and incentives to return for bets will be issued as if nothing else matters.
Who’s responsible? Weighing individual responsibility vs industry responsibility in a useful way during your recovery
Things are touchy on the gambling scene when it comes to advertising. If you utter a word about individual responsibility for the addiction, you get put in the camp of people who are pro-industry. I thought I’d address this head-on to avoid any unnecessary speculations or misplaced accusations.
Do I think that the gambling industry is doing things by the book and is acting responsibly?
NO. I do not think they are. Their attempts to show responsibility appear to be more about paying lip service and any attempts to display ‘responsible gambling’ completely undermines the power of addiction. Messages such as ‘stop when the fun stops’ may sound useful for the general public but will do little to stop someone with a gambling addiction from continuing down a hole.
It will not be noticed any more than a message about MSG causing behaviour problems on a pack of sweets consumed by a kid with a sweet tooth. Interventions that are serious about stopping an addiction need to involve far more practical ways of allowing the gambler to make it difficult for themselves to return for another bet. Ideally, such measures also need to be put into practice at an early stage when someone begins to display signs of mounting losses or a loss of control.
Do I believe that we can blame the industry for peoples’ gambling addiction?
Yes and no. There is no doubt that the increased access, increased advertising and promotion are going to lead more people down a hole of addiction. For that reason, they are to blame for the increased number of people affected.
Gambling affects people very differently and for some individuals, it is possible to continue to gamble responsibly for many years and decades. That being said, modern gambling opportunities and products are likely to attract problems even for people without underlying vulnerabilities for addiction.
When working with treatment, spending time blaming the industry is not only futile but can also become a real stuck point. Externalising your control over your gambling, is not going to provide you with enough personal power to battle the addiction. Irrespective of how much blame they should absorb for your issues.
Individual accountability has a negative ring to it - but it is necessary during treatment and does not remove accountability from the industry
In order to progress with your recovery, you NEED to take full accountability. The minute that accountability is outsourced to other people, be it the industry for spoiling it with ads or a loved one for not being supportive- the treatment will typically fail. Although it sounds a bit extreme, you sometimes have to act as if the entire world is against you just so that you can see clearly that you still do have some control yourself. Whilst that does not sound particularly inspirational, the reality is that you will have challenges on the road and the more empowered and self-reliant you feel, the better off you are going to be.
So should they just get away with it?
It is important, in my humble opinion, to recognize that there is still a place for both lobbying against the advertisement and the role of industry and a role for individual responsibility in treatment. With the best of changes to the industry’s behaviour, there will still be addictions. For those that are already hooked, there will still be a need to take responsibility for one’s own mental health and means of protecting oneself from the predatory attempts of getting sucked back in.
For now, your recovery cannot be dependent on anything or anyone else. In the longer term, your recovery may give you a strong ground to stand on when trying to influence the politics and behaviours of the gambling industry.
As a rule, I would advocate the following:
By the time you are addicted- the responsibility for your own wellness is more important than the idea of going after the industry for doing harm to you as an individual and to others.
When you have some time under your belt in recovery, you are in a very strong position to lobby for regulatory change. Do not start at this end though. You will find that going up against the industry is emotionally taxing and will likely diminish your personal sense of control. This is something you cannot afford during your early phases of recovery!
The gambling ads are like a toxic ex-partner trying to torment you with messages
Trying to put an end to the addiction is not dissimilar to ending a relationship with someone who took advantage of you, manipulated you or kept asking you to come back to see them only so they could discard you all over again. You would be forced to recognise that you cannot await the day until they provide you with closure, or take full accountability for hurting you before you decide it is time to move on.
The best revenge would be your new good life. With the industry, the best revenge is going to be watching them lose out on your money. Secondly, you can then inform as many people as you can to go easy with gambling or even get some of your friends to stop entirely.
The industry is not any more emotional about you and your gambling harm than an ex that went out of their way to break your heart. They were able to do this to you because they did not empathise enough to take care of your feelings.
We don’t want to make the mistake of awaiting kind gestures from someone who has shown you who they are and who treated you poorly even at a time when you were acting as a great supply to them through your consistent betting. You would most definitely be waiting in vain.
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The shift in attention towards the uncontrollable makes you feel exactly that: Out of control
I got inspired to write this post, having witnessed far too many problem gamblers who, through their obsessions about the pursuit of business from the industry, experience an unhelpful shift in the focus away from what brings them forward in their recovery. Having previously been obsessed with gambling in a destructive manner, as you are now trying to abstain from that, the mind is looking for a new thing to fixate on. We DO NOT want that new thing to become the industry or its advertisements (Unless that focus is being used for problem-solving and protecting you of course).
The main focus for now, and until you are safely underway in your recovery, be on all the good stuff that is starting to constitute your life without gambling and on trying to act your way out of your addiction by using as many stoppers as you can to barre yourself from the behaviour.
Whilst it can be empowering to feel that your lessons from recovery can be used to help prevent others, by the time obstacles and triggers become the focus of your attention, it is too easy to become preoccupied and end up in a state of anger, disappointment and sadness. At this point, your focus on external factors is happening at the expense of the most important part of all – YOU yourself and your own personal recovery.
I have seen people so vengeful, angry and desperate to ‘get back’ what they lost or to ‘beat the bookies’ , that they end up spending time in prison due to ‘smashing’ a machine or committing illicit acts to fund further gambling to chase after losses. Or they lose sleep and wellness in a state of ruminating angrily over the brazenness of those ads and how they are conspiring to pull them back into gambling.
At this level, your energy expenditure is going to be wasted and counter-productive to your own progress
It is understandable that the rage and anger are there, not least given the ever-increasing numbers of people who are becoming addicted, many of whom are young people. Gambling addiction is a real and very serious problem that we are facing now more than ever before as a result of the increased access and promotion of it as a fun and sociable activity.
In reality, for some people, it can destroy lives and create suffering, not just for the gambler themselves but for the entire system surrounding him/her.
The focus away from you and your life - and onto the gambling- lead you down a path of sorrow. Continuing to focus on how they ‘got you’ and are ‘making it impossible to avoid them’ will typically result in more sorrow and hopelessness.
The basics of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for gambling addiction
As a Psychologist working in treatment, my job is to encourage people to try and distinguish between the factors that they have control over vs those over which they have no control. This is in line with classic CBT principles. Or if you are a 12-step program attendee- think of the ‘Serenity prayer’ (‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference’) Naturally it makes more sense to try and address those that we have some control over!
In the case of the current context, that would be yourselves; and more specifically your reactions- thoughts feelings and behaviours.
To mentally ‘fight’ the gambling advertisement can feel like an uphill battle. A bit like trying to fight off mosquitos in Lapland – you might successfully avoid one, but there will be thousands to come and sooner or later one or even a couple will bite you!
Here are a couple of things that happen when we spend our attention and time thinking of how to resist the ads:
You run the risk of sustaining your denial-inspired thinking ‘this can’t be allowed…’ ‘how dare they do this when they see what I’ve lost already’. When we resist the reality of a situation, it takes us longer to come to terms with it, as we easily get stuck in thought rather than taking action.
You may prolong an unrealistic hope that changes from the side of the industry will be the necessary bit for recovery to work. This will fuel anger, rumination and a sense of hopelessness as you will find that not enough will be done about it.
You maintain focus on the triggers and thereby maintain a sense that external forces control your ability to achieve inner peace
Do not forget….they industry operates with an agenda that is completely opposed to yours – they want people to gamble and lose- and they make no secret about it either. ‘The house ALWAYS wins’ You on the other hand want the exact opposite. It is critical for you to understand that an industry that has an opposing aim to yours, and that has already shown you what they are about (and it isn’t empathy!) - is not suddenly going to take mercy on you.
Your only way to stay safe is to take cover and block your access to ALL ROUTES that lead you to gamble:
# Blocking software; use these on your phone as well as on your computer. Delete apps, pre-stored card numbers, links, history to websites etc.
#Blocking access to your money (or at least any significant amounts of it)
#Make it as difficult as you can to access gambling – adjust this strategy to fit with your type of gambling. Only you know which hoops you are used to jumping through to get to it. Try and go backwards and block every one of them when you are in a state of determination.
The only way to do that is to immediately stop betting, use as many blocking strategies as you can get your hands on and also start limiting your access to money. Yes, I am fully aware of the wide range of excuses, obstacles and also very acceptable reasons for people to avoid taking these steps. I am sorry to say I still find them to be necessary in almost every case of gambling addiction I have ever worked with.
Common excuses for not wanting to block access
I am also aware that none of these strategies is completely airtight. However, the sheer amount of dismissal for taking these practical steps is often quite symptomatic of the denial that the addiction gives rise to. It sounds a bit like this…
‘ I should not have to do this…how am I supposed to live with no access..’
‘If there is a will to gamble there is a way…so no point doing this’
‘That will never stop me so I won’t even try’
If you are currently facing similar thoughts and ideas internally, try and take a step back and recognise that these are still perfectly reasonable things to do for yourself if you are serious about stopping your ability to pursue your addictive behaviour. And at the very least, why not at least try them? The most common reason that they fail is that the client writes them off before trying them out. Action is pretty much the only thing that will help you in the early days of your gambling ‘detox’ so do give this a go. You will be surprised to discover how much it can help you in the long term as well.
Resistance consumes energy as well
Did you ever think about how it works out sometimes when we try to resist something? Think about those mosquitos again. You are working yourself up emotionally; hearing their annoying buzzing everywhere you go. You might even take your hat off to see them better and catch a few, but before you know it, they have got you from all angles. That hat needs to remain firmly attached to your head for now.
Your control lies within and the more you move away from being reliant on external factors to keep yourself safe- the smoother your recovery process will be!
Annika X